(An early draft of one famous scene has leaked out)

Speaker of the House, Dennis Hastert: Well, it looks like the days of flying around on the private jets of companies with business before Congress are over.

House Majority Leader, John Boehner (as Bluto Blatarsky): Over? Did you say “over”? Nothing is over until we decide it is!

Was it over when this story first hit the press? Hell no! I still got elected Leader.
…………………………………………………………………………………………………..

President Bush: What’s over?

Al Lord (Chairman of Sallie Mae): [Starts crying]

Please tell me the Single Holder Rule is not over. I’m just starting to build my own private golf course, and I need more money to buy my own baseball team. [Crying continues]
:……………………………………………………………………………………………………..

Boehner: It ain’t over now. ‘Cause when the goin’ gets tough…the tough get goin’! Who’s with me? Let’s go!

[Runs out with Al Lord]
………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
[Boehner returns alone]

Boehner: What happened to the Republicans I used to know? Where’s the spirit? Where’s the guts, huh?

Hastert: I thought we wern’t going to talk about Duke Cunningham and Jack Abramoff anymore.
……………………………………………………………………………………………………..

Boehner: Look, there is no way we can run the country without seeing what’s going on in Boca Raton first hand.

Bush: We can’t? Does Sallie Mae live in Boca?

Boehner: Don’t worry. I’ve got plenty more rabbits up these sleeves.

House Education and Workforce Chairman, McKeon: That line was OK for the bankers’ convention, but what do I tell the students?

Boehner: Forget about them. They’ve been freeloading on the taxpayers for years with the subsidies they have been getting on their student loans.

House Majority Whip, Blunt: Shh…60 Minutes and Leslie Stahl might find out about how we eliminated the refinancing of consolidation loans.

Bush: We did?

Boehner: Just tell the students to stop complaining about a few lousy dollars per month and get a job.

Now, who’s with me?

[Silence]